Real women..

'Real' women. This is a phrase that seems to get thrown around a lot these days, usually accompanied by 'have curves.' Now just a warning, this is a rant, and one that will probably upset people, but as a girl that borders on the 'fairly small' side of life, I am finding myself increasingly disenfranchised with this whole 'real women' malarky. Not to mention incredibly annoyed, and insulted that due to my small proportions I am 'less woman' than others.
Of course in our capitalist world, companies have run wild with this, size 0 sells, whilst they then spread the message that 'real women have curves' when it's necessary; anything to sell to anyone.
And if it's not the world markets using this utter nonsense, it's other women, a legion of overweight ladies justifying their unhealthy lifestyle by claiming 'at least i'm a real woman.'
Yes, whilst it's true that curves are psychologically speaking, more attractive to men due to the subconscious link between bigger hips and fertility, curves are the natural way the female body is, it's how it's sculptured. The smallest of girls will have curves, how big they are depends on the natural size of the girls pelvis. A bit of fat on the hips and bum will ultimately help the illusion, but it's time that these 'real' women realise the 'curves' that they are so proud of is nothing more but unhealthy fat shrouding their real curvature. If you can't find your hips from your stomach then you are not a 'real curvy woman.'

It's a subject of great annoyance, it's okay for the global community to sexualise women and only use a certain body type, but it's not okay for the women that are actually this size to acknowledge that they look good. Now obviously I'm not speaking between the extremes of bordering on anorexia and bulimia because that's an entirely different topic, this is just between the small healthy sized girl, and those that are bordering on overweight. These 'real women' have run riot, moving the message that a healthy weight is most desired to almost saying; it's better to be larger, it's perfectly fine to be an unhealthy weight, you are 'real.'
There are no 'real women are a healthy weight for their size' phrases, no 'real women don't need a fat bum and big breasts' phrases, and as much trouble as this will cause, the reason simply comes to; jealousy. We girls that are healthy and slim know our bodies are fine, we don't have issues with them, we don't need to justify ourselves by claiming to be more real than bigger girls. These women that spend their life broadcasting 'REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES' need to take a lesson in self-esteem, need to realise it's an excuse to be unhealthy, yes it is perfectly normal and attractive to carry an extra bit of weight on certain areas, but if you're bordering overweight, or obese, that's NOT okay. Please don't fool yourselves into thinking you are anymore real than us; the tiny girls, and don't insult us, it's not okay to refer to larger women as 'fat' in the general media, but yet it is okay for them to bash the naturally petite girls. To insinuate we're not as real nor attractive. Women need to realise everybody is a different size, men are all different; stop using them as the lead object in your life, life isn't about turning them on, you can call yourselves 'real' but at the end of the day it still comes down to each individual man's personal preference. And guess what? Healthy will win at least 90% of the time, no matter how how much you drill into society you're real and the girls whose natural curves are clearly visable; are not.
Rant out.

I'll turn this into an actual piece at some point but for now I just needed to rant it out. Don't take up a problem with this, afterall; I'm not quite 5"3, a UK size 6/8 with A cup breasts, so blatantly; I'm not real.

Few poems

Hello!
Not so much has been happening in this little corner of my world...well that's a lie...but alas nothing bloggable has been happening :) Had the usual Christmas and New Year festivities, hope everyone had a good one and all that.
Anyways, lately there has been a lot on my mind, so much that I haven't been able to contemplate writing it down, mainly because I don't know what it is, so in typical fashion when something creeps into my head and I can't deal with it; poetry and songs sprout forth, so hereby I give you nothing but this small paragraph and a few little doda's I've written in past few weeks.

State of the world

Shaking, shaking,
better catch her soon before her veins start,
breaking, breaking,
her blood will soak you, sick you; exploding heart
that's doing everything to stop from
aching, aching,
don't think anyone can really wipe this floor,
without needing to know more.

Watching these bones crackling and shattering,
did you really think desensitisation,
would bring forth the kind of elation,
that you're needing from knowing he's never leaving?

Pardon pardon pardon pardon

"Please can you slow down and make some sense,
please can you show what you mean and speak in the
present tense?"

Sorry baby you cant follow,
speak in tongues and maybe swallow,
that's the language that you seem to need,
and that's the guide book all seem to read,
I love you is measured on a fake certainty,
that he's not going to bed alone...

(but that she wont care when he has flown.)

4am

Table for one? I'm not sure where my second half
has gone,
scamper scamper, roll my eyes into the back of my head,
forgotten I'd left you so beautiful, on my bed.
Did I kiss you out of time?
Did I think we'd ever fall back into this silly little rhyme?
Crooked eyes you were pressed against my thighs..
Are you; you? I'm just sat, not sure what to do,
if I kiss you across your face,
like once upon a time in knickers made of lace,
maybe I'd know if you're me secretly,
cos that'd be the only way to explain it really.
This wine trickling down, oh so dreary,
maybe if I kiss you dearly,
maybe then I'll know.

Am I scared to fall back?
To follow this track...?
I want to dissolve my eyes so maybe you can't see,
the truth that cannot do anything but escape from me.
Don't mind me sugar as I drink your cares away,
if you want, you can save me before the night falls into day.
Not sure how, but I'm sure there's a chance,
why else would I terrified for you to catch my glance?

Online journalism

If anyone knows of any online publications (i.e ezines, websites, etc) that submit work from semi-qualified, silly, and quote/unquote; journalists ;) Please do let me know as I'm looking to actually get some stuff out there.
Cheers.

What's a blogger to do...when she has no need to blog? Eternal riddle.... I love to write, but as of late (well...quite a few months apparently) it hasn't come easy. Which usually is a good sign as I tend to write more whilst pulling my hair out and losing my sanity. =]

Lesse now ;) I've moved to York, begun my course, already started failing miserably (oh the joys of alcohol, a fellow insomniac flatmate, and many other distractions that make attending lectures near impossible.) I've made peace with some heartaches and heartbreaks, moved on like a good little trooper, and honestly don't think I've been as happy as I am right now =\. Which is weird to me as I've thought many MANY times over the past 3 years that I couldn't get happier. But yet I do. And I cry inbetween, and shout, and feel like I'm watching my life sink away, yet it never quite is. How serene, how reassuring, how BPD of me. ;)

Anyways keeping this short for now, going to wait til next year to start actively getting my life together =]
Ciao.

Choo Chooo

Got my one way ticket to Edinburgh today! =D This a happy Gemma does make =] =] =] =]
xox

Breaking point...

Well, it's taken a while but I've finally hit breaking point, this is just to let any readers know I have deactivated my facebook, it's gonna stay this way for a while, and I'm making tracks to moving on with my life, with or without a few people I thought would be around for a lonnnnnnnng time. But life surprises us, and I can't bear to spend one more day crying my eyes out about the past few months so I'm erasing it, it never happened, college was a figment of my imagination that helped me get to uni, and now I sit and await this whilst appreciating the people that I still have. =] I'm gutted, and I'm heartbroken, but such is life, I've suffered worse, and people that seem determined to pull me down are not going to. Once upon a time, a guy I adored broke my heart, stole my money, and our friendship was effectively ruined forever, I vowed to myself to never let that happen again, never let a situation with someone I truly cared for get so messed up to the point you can't even make eye contact, but alas... it's apparently happened, and I can't begin to describe how miserable this makes me. I've tried to do everything right, but now I know the only thing I can do right, is to forget, forget, forget, and move on. The only way I move on from people is to delete them from my life, and put myself completely out of the way from them, even then they have the power to bug me and make me sad and thoughtful at times but generally the pain is gone, and so that's what I need to do. People have made very clear their feelings towards me, and certain situations and they do not wish to be a part of my life anymore, that is fine, but explanation, and clarity never hurt anyone as much as fucking around, and pushing people to the ground. I've done nothing to deserve this fucked up show, and I'm gone.

I needed this rant to clear things up for myself, I do apologise.

Better update when things start moving back up.
xox

Some recent poetry

I seem to continually fail at blogs, they always mess me about, much like men, only in a different manner. I'm just updating with my recent sprawlings from my fingers, yes, all my recent poetry shares a similar topic, and yes this is now ceasing to be! I have dealt with my hurt, my anger, and my issues as much as I can without wallowing, and the only thing left to do is move on and forget, so end of poetry on the matter is first and foremost. It's a shame, but it's life.
Enjoy.

It's Alright

once upon what feels like a decade ago
i sharpened the knife and hid the show
lost and sinking far down under
the world left a striking case, a shocking trace,
and a disastrous crash of thunder.

Then when they say that time heals
it's true, but..
I undressed for no reason, for people, just to reveal
my scars, aching, and i was through.
Collapsed on a hotel floor,
nothing was enough, this girl had to find more.

in the end everything's alright
at least for this girl, life isn't about the fight..
the war between girl and boy, girl and death
I gave in the white flag, I left.

If this is too hard, too much to live
you've flat out escaped, nothing left to give...
I've been treated like a princess before
but I'll always find myself at your door.

One Last Word

you tell me lies and doubt my eyes
you live in a world that god only knows
intense highs and delirious lows
puncture my heart and watch me crawl
struggle to part and we just fall

there's nothing left but the sun
once was love, now seems done
awful sedation of past pleasure
i held you once;
a long lost treasure.

words fail where tears still abide
anger lays where love could once rely
nothing much but everything
i'll be forever trying to remove this sting.

What's A Girl To Do?

whats a girl to do
with no dreams to come true
and abandoning hope
and a heart she wishes to revoke?

whats a boy to say
when hes cast away
cared to betray
and refuses to stay?

it'll lie there under the sky
maybe once or twice,
cast a glance to the wayward eye;
throw the dice and pay the price.

i suffocated once where you stood
i thought of you as nothing more
than cold hearted blood
and a face of folklore.

Nothing More, Nothing Less

you wanted a girl that fit these rules
that wouldn't fuck around with other men
behind your back or in front of your face
she wanted nothing but to state her case
of how she believed in fairytales
and how she followed your breadcrumb trails.

you would go out of your way to cause pain
getting off to the cold way your heart could retain
any feelings of anything whatsoever
as she fought through every endeavour
in hope that maybe one day she'll be seen
as loving and graceful, not deceitful, nor mean.

he pushed her buttons as far as he could
her tears fell as far as they possibly would
but once was too much and twice was such
she had no choice but to abandon the game
refusing to take the bait, refusing to take the blame.

as words reel around
and songs reveal sounds
aching and breaking
for a quick embrace of an epic proportion
a never-ending story of love and abortion.