If anyone knows of any online publications (i.e ezines, websites, etc) that submit work from semi-qualified, silly, and quote/unquote; journalists ;) Please do let me know as I'm looking to actually get some stuff out there.
Cheers.
Tuesday 24 November 2009
Monday 23 November 2009
What's a blogger to do...when she has no need to blog? Eternal riddle.... I love to write, but as of late (well...quite a few months apparently) it hasn't come easy. Which usually is a good sign as I tend to write more whilst pulling my hair out and losing my sanity. =]
Lesse now ;) I've moved to York, begun my course, already started failing miserably (oh the joys of alcohol, a fellow insomniac flatmate, and many other distractions that make attending lectures near impossible.) I've made peace with some heartaches and heartbreaks, moved on like a good little trooper, and honestly don't think I've been as happy as I am right now =\. Which is weird to me as I've thought many MANY times over the past 3 years that I couldn't get happier. But yet I do. And I cry inbetween, and shout, and feel like I'm watching my life sink away, yet it never quite is. How serene, how reassuring, how BPD of me. ;)
Anyways keeping this short for now, going to wait til next year to start actively getting my life together =]
Ciao.
Lesse now ;) I've moved to York, begun my course, already started failing miserably (oh the joys of alcohol, a fellow insomniac flatmate, and many other distractions that make attending lectures near impossible.) I've made peace with some heartaches and heartbreaks, moved on like a good little trooper, and honestly don't think I've been as happy as I am right now =\. Which is weird to me as I've thought many MANY times over the past 3 years that I couldn't get happier. But yet I do. And I cry inbetween, and shout, and feel like I'm watching my life sink away, yet it never quite is. How serene, how reassuring, how BPD of me. ;)
Anyways keeping this short for now, going to wait til next year to start actively getting my life together =]
Ciao.
Tuesday 28 July 2009
Monday 27 July 2009
Breaking point...
Well, it's taken a while but I've finally hit breaking point, this is just to let any readers know I have deactivated my facebook, it's gonna stay this way for a while, and I'm making tracks to moving on with my life, with or without a few people I thought would be around for a lonnnnnnnng time. But life surprises us, and I can't bear to spend one more day crying my eyes out about the past few months so I'm erasing it, it never happened, college was a figment of my imagination that helped me get to uni, and now I sit and await this whilst appreciating the people that I still have. =] I'm gutted, and I'm heartbroken, but such is life, I've suffered worse, and people that seem determined to pull me down are not going to. Once upon a time, a guy I adored broke my heart, stole my money, and our friendship was effectively ruined forever, I vowed to myself to never let that happen again, never let a situation with someone I truly cared for get so messed up to the point you can't even make eye contact, but alas... it's apparently happened, and I can't begin to describe how miserable this makes me. I've tried to do everything right, but now I know the only thing I can do right, is to forget, forget, forget, and move on. The only way I move on from people is to delete them from my life, and put myself completely out of the way from them, even then they have the power to bug me and make me sad and thoughtful at times but generally the pain is gone, and so that's what I need to do. People have made very clear their feelings towards me, and certain situations and they do not wish to be a part of my life anymore, that is fine, but explanation, and clarity never hurt anyone as much as fucking around, and pushing people to the ground. I've done nothing to deserve this fucked up show, and I'm gone.
I needed this rant to clear things up for myself, I do apologise.
Better update when things start moving back up.
xox
I needed this rant to clear things up for myself, I do apologise.
Better update when things start moving back up.
xox
Thursday 16 July 2009
Some recent poetry
I seem to continually fail at blogs, they always mess me about, much like men, only in a different manner. I'm just updating with my recent sprawlings from my fingers, yes, all my recent poetry shares a similar topic, and yes this is now ceasing to be! I have dealt with my hurt, my anger, and my issues as much as I can without wallowing, and the only thing left to do is move on and forget, so end of poetry on the matter is first and foremost. It's a shame, but it's life.
Enjoy.
It's Alright
once upon what feels like a decade ago
i sharpened the knife and hid the show
lost and sinking far down under
the world left a striking case, a shocking trace,
and a disastrous crash of thunder.
Then when they say that time heals
it's true, but..
I undressed for no reason, for people, just to reveal
my scars, aching, and i was through.
Collapsed on a hotel floor,
nothing was enough, this girl had to find more.
in the end everything's alright
at least for this girl, life isn't about the fight..
the war between girl and boy, girl and death
I gave in the white flag, I left.
If this is too hard, too much to live
you've flat out escaped, nothing left to give...
I've been treated like a princess before
but I'll always find myself at your door.
One Last Word
you tell me lies and doubt my eyes
you live in a world that god only knows
intense highs and delirious lows
puncture my heart and watch me crawl
struggle to part and we just fall
there's nothing left but the sun
once was love, now seems done
awful sedation of past pleasure
i held you once;
a long lost treasure.
words fail where tears still abide
anger lays where love could once rely
nothing much but everything
i'll be forever trying to remove this sting.
What's A Girl To Do?
whats a girl to do
with no dreams to come true
and abandoning hope
and a heart she wishes to revoke?
whats a boy to say
when hes cast away
cared to betray
and refuses to stay?
it'll lie there under the sky
maybe once or twice,
cast a glance to the wayward eye;
throw the dice and pay the price.
i suffocated once where you stood
i thought of you as nothing more
than cold hearted blood
and a face of folklore.
Nothing More, Nothing Less
you wanted a girl that fit these rules
that wouldn't fuck around with other men
behind your back or in front of your face
she wanted nothing but to state her case
of how she believed in fairytales
and how she followed your breadcrumb trails.
you would go out of your way to cause pain
getting off to the cold way your heart could retain
any feelings of anything whatsoever
as she fought through every endeavour
in hope that maybe one day she'll be seen
as loving and graceful, not deceitful, nor mean.
he pushed her buttons as far as he could
her tears fell as far as they possibly would
but once was too much and twice was such
she had no choice but to abandon the game
refusing to take the bait, refusing to take the blame.
as words reel around
and songs reveal sounds
aching and breaking
for a quick embrace of an epic proportion
a never-ending story of love and abortion.
Enjoy.
It's Alright
once upon what feels like a decade ago
i sharpened the knife and hid the show
lost and sinking far down under
the world left a striking case, a shocking trace,
and a disastrous crash of thunder.
Then when they say that time heals
it's true, but..
I undressed for no reason, for people, just to reveal
my scars, aching, and i was through.
Collapsed on a hotel floor,
nothing was enough, this girl had to find more.
in the end everything's alright
at least for this girl, life isn't about the fight..
the war between girl and boy, girl and death
I gave in the white flag, I left.
If this is too hard, too much to live
you've flat out escaped, nothing left to give...
I've been treated like a princess before
but I'll always find myself at your door.
One Last Word
you tell me lies and doubt my eyes
you live in a world that god only knows
intense highs and delirious lows
puncture my heart and watch me crawl
struggle to part and we just fall
there's nothing left but the sun
once was love, now seems done
awful sedation of past pleasure
i held you once;
a long lost treasure.
words fail where tears still abide
anger lays where love could once rely
nothing much but everything
i'll be forever trying to remove this sting.
What's A Girl To Do?
whats a girl to do
with no dreams to come true
and abandoning hope
and a heart she wishes to revoke?
whats a boy to say
when hes cast away
cared to betray
and refuses to stay?
it'll lie there under the sky
maybe once or twice,
cast a glance to the wayward eye;
throw the dice and pay the price.
i suffocated once where you stood
i thought of you as nothing more
than cold hearted blood
and a face of folklore.
Nothing More, Nothing Less
you wanted a girl that fit these rules
that wouldn't fuck around with other men
behind your back or in front of your face
she wanted nothing but to state her case
of how she believed in fairytales
and how she followed your breadcrumb trails.
you would go out of your way to cause pain
getting off to the cold way your heart could retain
any feelings of anything whatsoever
as she fought through every endeavour
in hope that maybe one day she'll be seen
as loving and graceful, not deceitful, nor mean.
he pushed her buttons as far as he could
her tears fell as far as they possibly would
but once was too much and twice was such
she had no choice but to abandon the game
refusing to take the bait, refusing to take the blame.
as words reel around
and songs reveal sounds
aching and breaking
for a quick embrace of an epic proportion
a never-ending story of love and abortion.
Tuesday 7 July 2009
Updates
Right then, lots of exciting things going on at the moment, firstly I'm having my hair cut on Thursday, yippee, plus a re-dye for now and saving to get something bit more drastic done with my colour.
After that having some hopefully fantastic photos done for my deviantart, and getting some more poetry out of my fingers... All looking good so far!
I've learnt several important lessons over past few weeks, so...although pretty shit..is actually pretty good in the long-run. Got to get my bank sorted for uni, and on top of all this, I gained an important friend back in my life =] Always amazing.
So yup, that's it for now, back to life of cider, gilmore girls, awesome friends and eyeliner =p
Loves
xox
After that having some hopefully fantastic photos done for my deviantart, and getting some more poetry out of my fingers... All looking good so far!
I've learnt several important lessons over past few weeks, so...although pretty shit..is actually pretty good in the long-run. Got to get my bank sorted for uni, and on top of all this, I gained an important friend back in my life =] Always amazing.
So yup, that's it for now, back to life of cider, gilmore girls, awesome friends and eyeliner =p
Loves
xox
Sunday 5 July 2009
Friday 26 June 2009
Well...
It's a bit poetry central at the moment, sorry, overwhelmed by thoughts and as a silly girlie; I like to scribble them down into rambles that may be classed as 'poetry.'
Having in this past week failed my A levels (yes, it's happened, don't even need to wait til results), been going through the heartache of a *lovely* break up, and am just about to finish college and get myself sorted for uni, everything is a bit of a mess up there in Gemmaland. So apologies for any random scrawls/harsh words/ignorance/etc...
To be fair, I just have no idea what I'm doing, where I'm going or who I am at the moment. Everything is a blur. I'm trying to lose myself in hanging out with friends but all it's doing is making me sadder and feel more at a loss when I'm alone. Hmmm.
My writing is appalling in this so I'm cutting my losses and going to bed.
Hugs and tea.
xox
Having in this past week failed my A levels (yes, it's happened, don't even need to wait til results), been going through the heartache of a *lovely* break up, and am just about to finish college and get myself sorted for uni, everything is a bit of a mess up there in Gemmaland. So apologies for any random scrawls/harsh words/ignorance/etc...
To be fair, I just have no idea what I'm doing, where I'm going or who I am at the moment. Everything is a blur. I'm trying to lose myself in hanging out with friends but all it's doing is making me sadder and feel more at a loss when I'm alone. Hmmm.
My writing is appalling in this so I'm cutting my losses and going to bed.
Hugs and tea.
xox
Love.
Love is a disease amongst the weak,
praying on the shy, doting on the meek.
Love is nothing,
and nothing is easy,
and how did i make you so sleazy?
Love is a game, and i give you all the blame.
Love is a tool;
cruel manipulation.
Love makes you a fool;
awful sedation.
Love is in your bones,
and love will be in my stones;
throw them hard and wish you away
fucking horror - cared to betray.
I won't love; need worry not,
I've learnt what it feels to have you as a clot.
But I do wish you'd care enough to say;
you lost your capacity for love once upon a day...
praying on the shy, doting on the meek.
Love is nothing,
and nothing is easy,
and how did i make you so sleazy?
Love is a game, and i give you all the blame.
Love is a tool;
cruel manipulation.
Love makes you a fool;
awful sedation.
Love is in your bones,
and love will be in my stones;
throw them hard and wish you away
fucking horror - cared to betray.
I won't love; need worry not,
I've learnt what it feels to have you as a clot.
But I do wish you'd care enough to say;
you lost your capacity for love once upon a day...
Blissful Lies
Another lie, another blissful lie..
nothing is real, she'll do nothing but sigh.
Tried the hardest she could possibly try,
but betrayal...
and heartache...
grow awfully stale.
She'll never know the real event...
spend her life wishing, thinking, asking for repent.
Watching corners pass her by,
remembering that blissful lie.
No doubt now; what's done is done.
She's still alive and the sun is still the sun.
He'll fade into the horizon, singing his song,
the blissful lie still running strong.
Suffocating in false realisation,
another face lost into the forgotten nation,
she's cut out, thrown away...
crying; 'why does the blissful truth betray?'
nothing is real, she'll do nothing but sigh.
Tried the hardest she could possibly try,
but betrayal...
and heartache...
grow awfully stale.
She'll never know the real event...
spend her life wishing, thinking, asking for repent.
Watching corners pass her by,
remembering that blissful lie.
No doubt now; what's done is done.
She's still alive and the sun is still the sun.
He'll fade into the horizon, singing his song,
the blissful lie still running strong.
Suffocating in false realisation,
another face lost into the forgotten nation,
she's cut out, thrown away...
crying; 'why does the blissful truth betray?'
Sunday 14 June 2009
Ready?
no scrawls really descended my fingers
no real pain still fruitlessly lingers
infact there was no beauty in blue eyes
and no scratching of thighs
this was a simple test and a simple rest
though i forgave them everything
and had trouble to stop remembering
i never realised the size of how big this would grow
never felt myself letting go
a corona one too many
a bottle of wine too many
are you ready?
are you ready?
pain still stings, and i still sing,
beauty is still in blue lies
and burning is still between the thighs,
the simple test was never the best
but it was the easiest and that i never guessed
and now as i stand with a gin in my hand
i'll forever ask if i'm suitable for this task
am i ready?
am i ready?
i'll never be ready
never be steady
dance with the choir
profess myself never a liar
but once they cease this little piece of my shamble
i'll throw it all away on a simple gamble.
are you ready?
no real pain still fruitlessly lingers
infact there was no beauty in blue eyes
and no scratching of thighs
this was a simple test and a simple rest
though i forgave them everything
and had trouble to stop remembering
i never realised the size of how big this would grow
never felt myself letting go
a corona one too many
a bottle of wine too many
are you ready?
are you ready?
pain still stings, and i still sing,
beauty is still in blue lies
and burning is still between the thighs,
the simple test was never the best
but it was the easiest and that i never guessed
and now as i stand with a gin in my hand
i'll forever ask if i'm suitable for this task
am i ready?
am i ready?
i'll never be ready
never be steady
dance with the choir
profess myself never a liar
but once they cease this little piece of my shamble
i'll throw it all away on a simple gamble.
are you ready?
Hmm
laughing hard and reeling words
no regard,
this whole scene is absurd
waster joe, waster bob,
paying your way with your dead end job
cocaine high, makes you fly
illusion and intrusion
penetration and sedation, heart is in remission.
you make a joke, i want it revoked
you're the joke, a fucking...
encapturing nothing, you'll die looking
systematic workings of your dark cold beat
fanciful songs and ale
passed out drunk, dead on the street
my heart cold, and my passion old,
you never meant to entail, this whole thing grows stale.
i'll crawl away and drag my bones
across this concrete retreat,
i'll punish myself with whips and stones
i'll laugh at this joke, betraying my life
talk to the devil, and stroke his sythe
sexual innuendo never gets you far
but baby, this isnt the first time...
you've punctured me with rhyme.
something ive just scribbled down tonight.
sleep time.
x
no regard,
this whole scene is absurd
waster joe, waster bob,
paying your way with your dead end job
cocaine high, makes you fly
illusion and intrusion
penetration and sedation, heart is in remission.
you make a joke, i want it revoked
you're the joke, a fucking...
encapturing nothing, you'll die looking
systematic workings of your dark cold beat
fanciful songs and ale
passed out drunk, dead on the street
my heart cold, and my passion old,
you never meant to entail, this whole thing grows stale.
i'll crawl away and drag my bones
across this concrete retreat,
i'll punish myself with whips and stones
i'll laugh at this joke, betraying my life
talk to the devil, and stroke his sythe
sexual innuendo never gets you far
but baby, this isnt the first time...
you've punctured me with rhyme.
something ive just scribbled down tonight.
sleep time.
x
Monday 23 February 2009
Poetry for the people
this is not a confession
nor a subtle depression
it's a reconditioned girl dreaming
of leaving, and watching herself fall
and struggle to crawl.
blackened hearts circle the sky
watching her shadow cling and try
to hold onto what she knows
what she wants, how she taunts
and what she owes.
scratching skin down her thigh
this is not a truth, nor a lie
thrown against hard brick, it can make you sick
if only you weren't such a prick...
a bite makes all the difference,
one taste of a beautiful appearance,
watch me my friend,
maybe then you will apprehend,
maybe then we won't need to pretend.
nor a subtle depression
it's a reconditioned girl dreaming
of leaving, and watching herself fall
and struggle to crawl.
blackened hearts circle the sky
watching her shadow cling and try
to hold onto what she knows
what she wants, how she taunts
and what she owes.
scratching skin down her thigh
this is not a truth, nor a lie
thrown against hard brick, it can make you sick
if only you weren't such a prick...
a bite makes all the difference,
one taste of a beautiful appearance,
watch me my friend,
maybe then you will apprehend,
maybe then we won't need to pretend.
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