Choo Chooo

Got my one way ticket to Edinburgh today! =D This a happy Gemma does make =] =] =] =]
xox

Breaking point...

Well, it's taken a while but I've finally hit breaking point, this is just to let any readers know I have deactivated my facebook, it's gonna stay this way for a while, and I'm making tracks to moving on with my life, with or without a few people I thought would be around for a lonnnnnnnng time. But life surprises us, and I can't bear to spend one more day crying my eyes out about the past few months so I'm erasing it, it never happened, college was a figment of my imagination that helped me get to uni, and now I sit and await this whilst appreciating the people that I still have. =] I'm gutted, and I'm heartbroken, but such is life, I've suffered worse, and people that seem determined to pull me down are not going to. Once upon a time, a guy I adored broke my heart, stole my money, and our friendship was effectively ruined forever, I vowed to myself to never let that happen again, never let a situation with someone I truly cared for get so messed up to the point you can't even make eye contact, but alas... it's apparently happened, and I can't begin to describe how miserable this makes me. I've tried to do everything right, but now I know the only thing I can do right, is to forget, forget, forget, and move on. The only way I move on from people is to delete them from my life, and put myself completely out of the way from them, even then they have the power to bug me and make me sad and thoughtful at times but generally the pain is gone, and so that's what I need to do. People have made very clear their feelings towards me, and certain situations and they do not wish to be a part of my life anymore, that is fine, but explanation, and clarity never hurt anyone as much as fucking around, and pushing people to the ground. I've done nothing to deserve this fucked up show, and I'm gone.

I needed this rant to clear things up for myself, I do apologise.

Better update when things start moving back up.
xox

Some recent poetry

I seem to continually fail at blogs, they always mess me about, much like men, only in a different manner. I'm just updating with my recent sprawlings from my fingers, yes, all my recent poetry shares a similar topic, and yes this is now ceasing to be! I have dealt with my hurt, my anger, and my issues as much as I can without wallowing, and the only thing left to do is move on and forget, so end of poetry on the matter is first and foremost. It's a shame, but it's life.
Enjoy.

It's Alright

once upon what feels like a decade ago
i sharpened the knife and hid the show
lost and sinking far down under
the world left a striking case, a shocking trace,
and a disastrous crash of thunder.

Then when they say that time heals
it's true, but..
I undressed for no reason, for people, just to reveal
my scars, aching, and i was through.
Collapsed on a hotel floor,
nothing was enough, this girl had to find more.

in the end everything's alright
at least for this girl, life isn't about the fight..
the war between girl and boy, girl and death
I gave in the white flag, I left.

If this is too hard, too much to live
you've flat out escaped, nothing left to give...
I've been treated like a princess before
but I'll always find myself at your door.

One Last Word

you tell me lies and doubt my eyes
you live in a world that god only knows
intense highs and delirious lows
puncture my heart and watch me crawl
struggle to part and we just fall

there's nothing left but the sun
once was love, now seems done
awful sedation of past pleasure
i held you once;
a long lost treasure.

words fail where tears still abide
anger lays where love could once rely
nothing much but everything
i'll be forever trying to remove this sting.

What's A Girl To Do?

whats a girl to do
with no dreams to come true
and abandoning hope
and a heart she wishes to revoke?

whats a boy to say
when hes cast away
cared to betray
and refuses to stay?

it'll lie there under the sky
maybe once or twice,
cast a glance to the wayward eye;
throw the dice and pay the price.

i suffocated once where you stood
i thought of you as nothing more
than cold hearted blood
and a face of folklore.

Nothing More, Nothing Less

you wanted a girl that fit these rules
that wouldn't fuck around with other men
behind your back or in front of your face
she wanted nothing but to state her case
of how she believed in fairytales
and how she followed your breadcrumb trails.

you would go out of your way to cause pain
getting off to the cold way your heart could retain
any feelings of anything whatsoever
as she fought through every endeavour
in hope that maybe one day she'll be seen
as loving and graceful, not deceitful, nor mean.

he pushed her buttons as far as he could
her tears fell as far as they possibly would
but once was too much and twice was such
she had no choice but to abandon the game
refusing to take the bait, refusing to take the blame.

as words reel around
and songs reveal sounds
aching and breaking
for a quick embrace of an epic proportion
a never-ending story of love and abortion.

Updates

Right then, lots of exciting things going on at the moment, firstly I'm having my hair cut on Thursday, yippee, plus a re-dye for now and saving to get something bit more drastic done with my colour.
After that having some hopefully fantastic photos done for my deviantart, and getting some more poetry out of my fingers... All looking good so far!
I've learnt several important lessons over past few weeks, so...although pretty shit..is actually pretty good in the long-run. Got to get my bank sorted for uni, and on top of all this, I gained an important friend back in my life =] Always amazing.
So yup, that's it for now, back to life of cider, gilmore girls, awesome friends and eyeliner =p
Loves
xox

Pear cider

Yup, lots of pear cider, and lots of Gilmore Girls =] awesome way to mend self I think!