out with the old..

And in with the new!

So much has changed this year that it only felt right to give the blog a bit of a revamp. :) Life is unusual, life is painful but it never stops growing. Over the past 6 months I've given up on some old 'friends' and embraced the love of some new ones. Second year at university is splendid, and I have to give some credit of that towards the pesky Costa Coffee cart, it replaced my beloved 70p coffee machine, however after cursing the evils of capitalism, consumerism and Costa, I eventually have given into my caffeine addiction and my frequenting to over-charged cappuccinos, lattes, and mochas puts a smile on my face almost every Costa day!

Right enough of that though, it does not say much for my life when I spend a paragraph swooning over coffee... However it says even more that following the writing of that sentence, I continued to gaze out of my window thinking; 'well... now I don't know what else to say.' And so with this I shall have to depart... ^_^ I'm sure you are excited by my life now, and so til the next time...

Ciao xx

Don't tell me I haven't been good to you
don't tell me I have never been there for you
don't tell me why
nothing is good enough.

Social Stigma & Lung Cancer

Whilst procrastinating, I felt the urge to start this blog, after (whilst also, maybe, procrastinating a litte on Facebook...) reading my daily posts on various lung cancer pages I 'like'. (If you are without Facebook then I apologise for how little sense that may have made.)

It's becoming a tad disgraceful that cancer funding, treatment, and overall positive awareness is high for the major cancers, breast cancer is becoming more and more curable as years go by it seems, however, why is this not the case for lung cancer? Upon researching, you find that statistics for this - the number 1 cancer kill might I add - are hardly improving at all, it is the LEAST funded type of cancer, how can this be?

So this is where I would like to throw my questions in, is this dreadful lack of positive reinforcement, this lack of awareness, this lack of funding and hope due to the stigma attached to lung cancer. Most lung cancers are provoked by smoking, this is true, however there is a lot of people that have never smoked that are becoming victimised as well. Do we automatically put blame on lung cancer sufferers, it must be because they smoked, and if they didn't, well they must've been up to something to cause the cells in their lungs to mutate..? It is utterly unbelievable to think that we consciously would say this, but so much concentration is put into just warning smokers that lung cancer has become some dirty, smoker's disease, when this isn't the case at all.

This is just the start, I wanted to get some initial ranting down before I get round to writing a more substantial and well-informed piece. Opinions welcome, but please do not assume this is a blog to bash somebody, lung cancer is in my family, and my only issue is with the lack of awareness and funding towards what is the most dangerous cancer.

there is nothing new about this tale
kissing away this tearful trail
that slides down my face
searching for some solace.

i'm never cheap, i'll grieve alone
my blood is hot, i won't turn to stone
i'll love like i was taught
and never forget the demons that sliced
through this facade and wanted to be fought

diamonds will shine where tears now reside
biting back with all the utmost pride
i'll live and i'll love you
no matter what hell i'm put through.

I thought things got easier with time?

Kill the lover.

You can't take this blame,
it shivers off you just the same...
as the wine down your spine,
the same intoxication that made you mine.

The kiss that ran down my neck,
clutched my throat piercing this flesh,
the vapour that circled this mesh,
our bodies hot and glued together,
whisperings in the heat of loving forever.

The pain and the pleasure,
wrapped us in some sort of secret forbidden treasure,
deep inside with promises you could never hold,
one hand around my mouth, suffocating me, watching me turn cold.

Did you mean to kill the lover?
Love that was always under cover,
did you mean to kill your lover?

Kissing with eyes open was always rare,
making love with absolute care,
this was never a murder scene,
almost definitely something more serene.

However you penetrated what you could,
maybe more than what you possibly should,
you abandoned what you knew true,
how could one possibly still love you?

When you feel your heart grow poor,
and you feel your head smashing into the floor,
with alcohol surrounding your being,
I hope in some way; it's freeing.

meant to be alone

there it was on this wall,
all the signs about your willingness to fall,
that some people are born to be alone,
to have their hearts turn to stone.

though i tried to alter your furnace
with nothing but earnest,
you dug into me like the splinter,
ran cold like the ice in the winter
when we first fell in love.

i shouldve noticed the decadence,
shoud've embraced any sense,
too good to be true,
love stories don't end with a man like you.

so now burnt twice, and paying this awful price,
'i wrote this for you' would be a lie,
as endless days of seeing into your eye
could only die,
i now realise the heartbroken truth of the matter,
that for too long this love i could only flatter,
but it's too late for me, maybe too late even for you;
some people are meant to be alone
darling, that's why you packed your songs and flew,
but don't worry, i will give you this; i still miss you